Category: Humor

I have a nephew who is the most serious kid I’ve met. He is planning to attend a culinary school and training to become a chef. So in honor of his 14th birthday, I’ve put together a “music to cook by” playlist.

1. Matchbox 20 – Breakfast at Tiffany’s
2. Dean Martin – How Do You Like Your Eggs In The Morning
3. Supertramp – Breakfast in America
4. Spike Jones – Yes, We Have No Bananas
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Aeroplane
6. Bread – Guitar Man
7. REO Speedwagon – The Unidentified Flying Tuna
8. Jimmy Buffet – Cheeseburger in Paradise
9. Meatloaf – Bat Out Of Hell
10. Don McLean – American Pie
11. Cake – Love You Madly
12. Reverend Horton Heat – Eat Steak
13. Weird Al Yankovic – Girls Just Wanna Eat Lunch
14. Blind Melon – Soup
15. The Wiseguys – Root Beer Rag
16. Snow Patrol – Chocolate
17. THX – Jurassic Lunch (not really a song, but fun nonetheless)

There were a few songs that didn’t make the cut due to lyrical “issues” (he has four younger, impressionable siblings). What favorite food-related band or song did I miss?

Wikipedia is a tremendous resource and a pretty cool way for people to collaborate on documentation. In just a couple years, it’s grown to become one of the largest encyclopedias available, with over 30 million entries and arguable the most up-to-date information of any encyclopedic resource.

One of the attractions of Wikipedia is that it’s built on a free, open-source solution: Wikimedia. It makes it easy for any group to create their own repository of knowledge and information — even mis-information.

Let me introduce you to Wikipedia’s evil twin: The Uncyclopedia. Think of it as The Onion meets a Wiki. Rather than informing, the Uncyclopedia’s goal is to amuse and annoy. Consider a few Uncyclopedia entries, such as France (“The French are also known to run in terror at the slightest hint of danger and surrender instantly to any threat…”); New Orleans (“Although the American Emperor has told everyone that New New Orleans will be even better and bigger than it was before, there are serious doubts as the Americans have proven they are pretty terrible at rebuilding cities that rely on oil…”); or knowledge (“A rare and tragic disease, not recognized as such by the many trash collectors claiming to be professors. Knowledge is 100% fatal, with recent studies showing 4 1/2 out of 7 people died when they were imbued with it…”).

Now you know why I’m in a handbasket.

Thanks to Darryl for passing on this dark (darth?) humor…

I’ve got weddings on the brain. My daughter was in a wedding last weekend, and this Saturday I’m going to a party celebrating the 65th anniversary of my grandmother’s sister and her husband. Seemed like a little marital humor was called for.

A young couple was tragically killed in a car crash just before their wedding. When they arrived in heaven they asked Peter if they could still get married.

Peter said “I’ve never had a request like that, but I will check into it.” He then suggested that they think about it and come back in 5 years.

Five years later, Peter said He was sorry, but they would have to wait another 5 years. They came back a third time, and this time they were allowed to have a beautiful wedding.

A month later they came back and said, “This is a disaster, we want a divorce.”

Peter said “Look you two will just have to workout your differences, if it took us 10 years to find a preacher up here, how long do you think it will take us to find a lawyer!?!?

The point is, preachers and lawyers are sinners. I’m a sinner. Are you a sinner?

How does the hardest working man in the Empire cool his jets? By journaling in his blog, of course. My favorite entry was Parenting 101, in which Lord Vader bemoans the difficulties of being a good parent. Oh yeah, and he cut off Luke’s hand.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster is billed as the “journal of Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith and servant to his Supreme Excellence the Emperor Palpatine.” Good stuff, for the softer side of Darth. And like most bloggers, he’s pressed for time. A recent entry begins, “Been a while since my last entry. Lots of catching up to do…” Uh huh.

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators…

Thanks to Jokes.com