Those who know me and my proclivity for things big, blue and round should sit down immediately. Yes, it is true. I hate instant messaging.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the utility of instant messaging as a communications medium. On the contrary, IM is the grease that lubes the proverbial wheels of this brave, new e-world we live in. Armed with a contact list full of associates, co-workers, clients, friends and family, I’m prepared to blaze through communications in a fraction of the time it used to take.
Remember telephone tag? I leave a voice message for you, so you can later leave a voice message for me? Usually moments after I’ve left the vicinity of the nearest phone, too.
Of course email was useful back in the day. Until spam rendered it virtually ineffective. Now you never really know if your message ever arrived, either because your message is canned by an overzealous spam filter (your mother warned you about using that kind of language!), or because it was lost amid the myriad of emails for illicit prescription drugs, miracle cures and get-rich schemes. Or maybe your friend long-since abandoned that email address (as so many do these days), having long lost the battle against spam and chosen to flee rather than fight?
Instant messaging held so much promise. Relatively spam-free, nearly instant gratification. I see my friend online and *ping!* they get my message. No fuss, right? Maybe…
IM worked well for a long while, but over time, it’s lost some of it’s luster. So why do I hate IM?
I’m TOO available – Most IM programs give you the ability to control who can see whether you’re online or not. But only to a point. If you’ve let them add you to their contact list, and you’re online, they will know. AOL Instant Messenger is the worst of the bunch. Anyone can add you to their contact list without your permission, and see your online status. On the other end of the spectrum, Yahoo! Messenger gives you the most control, allowing you to go “invisible” to everyone on your list, even though you’re still connected. Sneaky, but still not ideal. Best would be the ability to select who can see me, either by name or group. When I’m at home, do I really want to be immediately accessible to my co-workers? Sometimes, yes, but certainly not 24/7.
I’m a slave to the IM – This one is purely a matter of self-control, but most avid IM-users become psychologically conditioned to respond to the melodic tone announcing the arrival of a new instant message. Like Pavlov’s dogs, we jump to attention, eager to see which friend has blessed us with their wit and charm. Or we cringe, knowing that we really should be working, nose-to-the-grindstone, but can’t seem to resist the urge to check. Before you know it, you’re sucked into a conversation with someone you really don’t know, or that you really don’t care about. An hour later… *ping!*… and they cycle repeats. Charles Hummel described it as the “tyranny of the urgent.”
I am jealous – As long as I’m exposing my character flaws, I might as well lay this card down on the table. But I’ll be more than a few of you can relate. You see a friend online. You send them a friendly “hi!” Silence. Hmmm… are they idle? Are they away? Are they ignoring me? Are they busy with someone they’d much rather say “hi” to? I know it sounds pathetic, but show me one IM fanatic who hasn’t been disappointed by the silence on the other end of the IM line and I’ll show you a liar.
Typing is slow – I’m a pretty fast typist, but damn, sometimes the slow-pace of an IM conversation, especially given that your contact may be simultaneously engaged in two or three other IM conversations, can be excruciating. IM is great for the quick exchange of messages, or to send a URL. But for anything more than a few brief exchanges, I’ll always prefer a phone call or meeting face-to-face. IM to establish availability, followed with a phone conversation.
And so, I hate instant messaging.
It’s been said that if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail. Of course, instant messaging is a fabulous tool, one of the best available for communication. I use it at work. I use it at home. I use it to keep in touch with friends near and far away. I’ve met people through instant messages that I might have never met otherwise. But it will never do everything, and it can easily be misused.
So maybe I’m a little too connected. Maybe I need to take a time-out from instant messaging once in a while. A little time offline to recharge the soul, connect with the real world, and keep life in perspective.
Don’t look for me online 24/7, because you won’t find me. I might be there, and I might not. One thing is for certain: I won’t always be slavishly signed-in to AIM, MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, and the rest.
All too familiar, especially the part about not getting a response “fast enough”. But don’t forget about people who leave their account for a new one without letting you know, so eventually you’ll wonder if you’ve been blocked or did something to offend him/her, and as you said, emails won’t be replied to as the account no longer is used.
All too familiar, especially the part about not getting a response “fast enough”. But don’t forget about people who leave their account for a new one without letting you know, so eventually you’ll wonder if you’ve been blocked or did something to offend him/her, and as you said, emails won’t be replied to as the account no longer is used.
Well said. I am eye to eye with you. I have been using instant messaging for about 3 years now and already it has lost that “magic” it once had. This of course began as my contact list grew and met more people on the internet than in real life. That’s when it hit me…I’m online too much. So I decided to get a life but that contact list is still there.
Occassionally I sign on to msn and aim and I get bombarded with instant messages by friends both from online and real life and once again I’m reminded of why I don’t like instant messaging as much as I used to.
Why? Well because when anybody gets on an instant messenger, they automatically become sensitive. Countless times I hear “Why are you taking so long to reply? What did I do to you? Do you hate me? I haven’t seen you in so long and you don’t even say anything” and my all time favorite “You jerk”. I’m sorry but I don’t get online to make everyone feel better. I have my own problems. Realizing that, I don’t get annoyed when someone takes long to reply. I just websurf or go get a book to read but then when I take long to answer those same people who took long to reply to me, they make me a criminal.
At last, I found a simple solution, stick with msn, block everyone you know, and then if someone you wish to speak to comes online, unblock them. This has worked wonders for me. Now that I have ventilated on something that should have been said a long time ago, I’m going to go relax on msn while my aim contacts childishly warn one another for taking too long to reply (which ironically makes them take even longer to reply with that whole one sentence every 1 minute thing)
Well said. I am eye to eye with you. I have been using instant messaging for about 3 years now and already it has lost that “magic” it once had. This of course began as my contact list grew and met more people on the internet than in real life. That’s when it hit me…I’m online too much. So I decided to get a life but that contact list is still there.
Occassionally I sign on to msn and aim and I get bombarded with instant messages by friends both from online and real life and once again I’m reminded of why I don’t like instant messaging as much as I used to.
Why? Well because when anybody gets on an instant messenger, they automatically become sensitive. Countless times I hear “Why are you taking so long to reply? What did I do to you? Do you hate me? I haven’t seen you in so long and you don’t even say anything” and my all time favorite “You jerk”. I’m sorry but I don’t get online to make everyone feel better. I have my own problems. Realizing that, I don’t get annoyed when someone takes long to reply. I just websurf or go get a book to read but then when I take long to answer those same people who took long to reply to me, they make me a criminal.
At last, I found a simple solution, stick with msn, block everyone you know, and then if someone you wish to speak to comes online, unblock them. This has worked wonders for me. Now that I have ventilated on something that should have been said a long time ago, I’m going to go relax on msn while my aim contacts childishly warn one another for taking too long to reply (which ironically makes them take even longer to reply with that whole one sentence every 1 minute thing)
The first step toward resolving a problem is admitting you have one. Congratulations. Participating in the whole “IM experience” is one of personal choice.
In the corporate world, I remember using Netmeeting long before anyone in the company knew what it was… and it was a revolutionary way for a few of us early adopters to remain connected in a relative underground communication system. Having a tool that kept us in touch was “special”. At that time, a ping was from someone close to you and to whom you had given your private number. Unfortunately, when everyone in the company ended up adopting Sametime (replacing Netmeeting), it lost some of its luster. Back to just be another functional communication medium. Efficient but perhaps not effective.
In contrast, my use of IM on the world wide web is much more in line with my early days using Netmeeting. I have only a dozen names of my real close friends listed. So, when I get a ping – its from someone I want to chat with. Real simple. I run Trillian since a few people are running Messenger and others AIM. But its a fairly small close circle of friends.
So, I suppose you would consider that I have an unlisted IM number, that is only given to people to whom I’ve given permission.
This simple approach works for me.
Each of us must make a decision on how exposed we want to be. Who’s in charge of your life, anyway?
The first step toward resolving a problem is admitting you have one. Congratulations. Participating in the whole “IM experience” is one of personal choice.
In the corporate world, I remember using Netmeeting long before anyone in the company knew what it was… and it was a revolutionary way for a few of us early adopters to remain connected in a relative underground communication system. Having a tool that kept us in touch was “special”. At that time, a ping was from someone close to you and to whom you had given your private number. Unfortunately, when everyone in the company ended up adopting Sametime (replacing Netmeeting), it lost some of its luster. Back to just be another functional communication medium. Efficient but perhaps not effective.
In contrast, my use of IM on the world wide web is much more in line with my early days using Netmeeting. I have only a dozen names of my real close friends listed. So, when I get a ping – its from someone I want to chat with. Real simple. I run Trillian since a few people are running Messenger and others AIM. But its a fairly small close circle of friends.
So, I suppose you would consider that I have an unlisted IM number, that is only given to people to whom I’ve given permission.
This simple approach works for me.
Each of us must make a decision on how exposed we want to be. Who’s in charge of your life, anyway?
As for being “too available”, I suspect that this is why Jabber has “privacy rules” which you can use to effectively define levels of invisibility.
As for being “too available”, I suspect that this is why Jabber has “privacy rules” which you can use to effectively define levels of invisibility.
Wow! Hate is a pretty strong word.
I think you hit the “nail on the head” (pun intended) with the hammer analogy. Maybe it is more of repositioning IM to where it (literally) works for you – makes you more effective.
The real issues highlighted are these:
How available do you want to be?
What are you a “slave” to?
I live a “cell-free” life. I choose not to add the interruption to my life that the symphonic nuisance brings. So far, it seems working out OK. 🙂
Time is among the most precious things there are. Happily, each of us choose, moment-by-moment, how our time is spent and assign importance to all things by the choices we make.
Wow! Hate is a pretty strong word.
I think you hit the “nail on the head” (pun intended) with the hammer analogy. Maybe it is more of repositioning IM to where it (literally) works for you – makes you more effective.
The real issues highlighted are these:
How available do you want to be?
What are you a “slave” to?
I live a “cell-free” life. I choose not to add the interruption to my life that the symphonic nuisance brings. So far, it seems working out OK. 🙂
Time is among the most precious things there are. Happily, each of us choose, moment-by-moment, how our time is spent and assign importance to all things by the choices we make.